For quite a while I have been muttering to myself 'I need to make a blog..." while rolling around on the carpet. I believe this has gone on for a year or so, although the desire perhaps started growing at an earlier time.
There is something to posting publicly with no eyes watching (no audience). There is also something to posting on the internet in a space that isn't a social media platform; there are many strange things at play regarding how people write an instagram caption, how they "announce" and "talk" and "explain". There are also a lot of strange things at play regarding how people view blogs, although I think these are outdated, or less relevant to me (something like 'millennial-coded'). Google any question about blogs and you will see hundreds of reddit comments from people describing how to make your perfectly tailored, clean travel blog "marketable" in an unwavering corporate tone.
I am thinking more so of blogs where people write in order to post without any care of who is reading it. I suppose this is a mix of the personal need, e.g. it is useful to categorize your thoughts into a diary, and the urge to "put something out there." I am indulging in my appetite here.
I have several notebook where I write, always in entry form, about various topics. At this point, all that exists and keeps running is a "writing project" (Pseudo) and a personal "diary". I haven't thought through things in written format because I've been too preoccupied with the physical world (trapping myself in a print studio) and the longer I detach myself from my notebooks, the more precious they seem.
There is also the practical purpose of wishing to expand on some of my ideas regarding my art in some viewable space, like a website. "I have a website" is annoying to proclaim, but it is good to have. It is good to link to. Sometimes people will reference your website, and it's like "wow, I forgot that thing is public". I like this sort of thing. It would be useful to use this blog to repost an entry onto a different platform, e.g. instagram, if I write something relevant enough to share.
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Have you ever thought so hard and constructed such an elaborate mental-realm construction of ideas that you convinced yourself these have come to fruition at some point? When someone asks about something you've done, and before you fix your mistake and say "Well in the future I'd like to...", you start out assuming everyone knows your entire mental-realm construction, and then must face the shame; this sort of thing. I do not care to answer this or state why I asked this question.
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'ZK Breaks' is pretty literal. I've been shortening my last name into 'ZK', kind of like creating fake initials, because I wanted something to use that'd create a bit of distance (from what? I don't know). This is probably shameful, but the other option of using my full name everywhere is even worse. I can't use my full name because I don't want (particular) people to search up my name and come across anything of my own creation; no elaboration on this. Therefore, my usernames are usually something like 'rynn_zk'. I like my first name, it's fine. But there are places elsewhere where I do not use it. The internet is a vast world of nicknames in the form of 'users'; very strange, but this is what's familiar to me. Practically, I also wanted an option of anonymity to use if I ever needed to, e.g. Pseudo covers having 'ZK' on it and then my full name on the back (I speak in present-tense, but it should be future). Is this shyness?
So therefore, ZK has been connected to almost everything, and at least can be referenced in a non-shameful, distance way: 'Oh, that ZK thing is me.' It has become a catch-all, it has become my signature...
'Breaks' came up because I used to be interested in different types of 'breaks' in things, e.g. breakage in art practices (in the physical actions and operations of mediums, etc.), I once wrote an essay on autobiographical breaks. I also just like the word, which is why I would use it as a catch-all for some concept I lost to time.
'Breaks' is both a plural noun and a verb. 'ZK Breaks', ZK is breaking; 'ZK Breaks', ZK's breaks. And then "breaks" is both a plural noun for areas of breakage, as well as taking a holiday. The latter I didn't really think about.
My internet usage has always been wildly fragmented, either from itself or from real life. I'm the type to have multiple accounts, I like organization and separation. Furthermore, and alluding to this is like revealing some grand secret, I have always done 'other' stuff on the internet aside from fine art. Or more accurately, I used to do internet-bound stuff before fine art, and now that I post fine art, they are opposed from each other, and I keep the internet-bound stuff locked away. It's a shame thing. If someone is too aware of everything, I'll stop each and every operation in my mental-realm construction, machines shutting off one by one.
This act of alluding is a breakage of the fragmentation itself, it is a merging-together. If someone followed and watched over all the fine art I make, they'd see that even my art is extremely fragmented and I'm quite bad at merging anything. I was asked recently if I need to merge any of these things together, and I answered that "I know I should want to," which is a really weird answer, so my late apologies to my etching class (where this took place). No one could answer if things are supposed to merge or not. It seems like there's an ethical-emotional pull towards saying "No, you don't need to actually!"; actually. Some desire from people to go against the grain even if the grain is just a little speck of wheat.
If I make a blog to speak on what I'm thinking about across multiple fragmented pieces of myself, then it breaks the fragmented system in one regard (the regard of public-private text-based explanations), like a meta-analysis (I don't think I use that term correctly). In another sense, you could read it as me describing these fragments, describing these breaks. Or, you could even read it as the overall description of me and my fragments, the act of breaking.
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